Picks and Pans Review: Stagecoach

updated 05/19/1986 AT 01:00 AM EDT

originally published 05/19/1986 AT 01:00 AM EDT

CBS (Sun., May 18, 9 p.m. ET)

B-

It's a shame I saw this one in a rough cut, without its music. A shame because the stars (Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash) co-wrote and performed the score. A shame also because the music might have jazzed up this remake of Bing Crosby's 1966 remake of John Ford's and John Wayne's 1939 classic Western. The story's simple: Some folks ride the stage through Apache territory in the 1880s. Willie plays gunslinging dentist Doc Holliday. Kris is a fugitive, Johnny's a marshal, Waylon's a gambler, John Schneider's the driver, Tony Franciosa's a banker, Anthony Newley's a traveling liquor salesman, Elizabeth Ashley's a whore who learns that "no woman's going to find a million-dollar dream in a two-dollar room," and Mary Crosby's an expectant mom. Willie's the best; he has a ball. Crosby's the worst; she's painful to watch even when she's not in labor. Still, they are a delightful collection. Except they never seem to do anything. Yeah, they fight Indians and shoot bad guys. But there's no excitement. This stagecoach is about as rough-and-tumble as a cab ride.

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