Picks and Pans Review: Jack and Mike
ABC (Tues., Sept. 16, 9:30 p.m. ET)
Here's the last thing we needed: Yet another reason to hate Yuppies. Shelley (Charlie's Angels) Hack is a twinkie newspaper columnist ("I gotta find out the truth and write it!"), and her hubby, Tom (Our Family Honor) Mason, runs a bunch of cutesy restaurants in Chicago. They're so busy being successful, they don't have time for sex (now that's justice), and they suffer chronic career conflict. Shelley can't come to the opening of Tom's '60s theme restaurant because she's writing a big story. They fight. "We agreed to respect each other's work," she whines. Then they make up. "You and I have got to remember what we've got together and what makes us work," he simpers. Gag me with a BMW. Jack and Mike is nothing but an efficient assembly line of insipid, insulting clichés. While watching, I couldn't help recalling Hack's one line from Annie Hall: "Uh, I'm very shallow and empty, and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say." Nothing's changed.
...THREE LESSER MOVIES
The week's three TV movies don't deserve more than quick slaps. American Geisha (CBS, Sept. 11, 9 p.m. ET) stars Pam Dawber as a vacuum-headed student who fulfills her inexplicable dream of becoming a geisha and waiting on men. Stinks like stale sushi. Grade: D The Last Days of Patton (CBS, Sept. 14, 8 p.m. ET) is a terrible disappointment, with George C. Scott taking ol' Blood 'and Guts from his victory to his grave—slowly, with no action, no drama, nothing much to watch. A very grim reaper. Grade: C—And in Oceans of Fire (CBS, Sept. 16, 9 p.m. ET), Gregory (Trapper John, M.D.) Harrison builds an undersea oil rig with a bunch of convicts who love danger. "If a man never confronts death," Harrison philosophizes, "life has no meaning." Watching wimpy Harrison trying to out-macho John Wayne and out-muse Ernest Hemingway would be laughable if it weren't so offensive.
On Newsstands Now
- Lupita Nyong'o: Most Beautiful!
- Chelsea Clinton is Pregnant!
- Exclusive Royal Tour Diary
Pick up your copy on newsstands
Click here for instant access to the Digital Magazine