CBS (Tues., Sept. 22, 9 p.m. ET)
Grades: F and F
The season's first two movies-of-the-week have something in common. In the first Tracy Nelson, Kiel Martin, Claude Akins, Bruce Weitz, David (the Isuzu man) Leisure, Courteney Cox Arquette, Peter Graves and Stephen Furst wander aimlessly around Europe in If It's Tuesday, It Still Must Be Belgium, a moronic remake of the madcap 1969 hit If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium. In the second movie Susan Dey and Bruce Boxleitner play an odd couple on a Pacific island. He's a Green Beret sent to teach the natives how to shoot machine guns. She's a nun who comes to love him, then shoots a bazooka while reciting the Lord's Prayer. Sacrilege is the least of this flick's sins. Both movies beg the same question: Why would decent actors like these star in junk like this? The answer seems obvious. They must have wanted summer vacations in exotic locations. I hope they all had a nice time. You won't.
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