Worst of Pages

updated 12/25/1995 at 01:00 AM EST

originally published 12/25/1995 01:00AM

I Want to Tell You O.J. Simpson
If he wanted to tell us so badly, how come he clammed up in court? Soggy replies to softball questions from fans read as if they were knocked off in less time than it took jurors to reach a verdict. (Little Brown)

O.J.: 101 Theories, Conspiracies & Alibis Peter Roberts
Sleazy pastiche of wacky scenarios even Johnnie Cochran wouldn't go for. Conspiracy No. 35: O.J. Framed Accidentally by Man with Same DNA. Enough said? (Goldtree)

Find O.J.: The Juice Is Loose Peter Wood & Jeff Vaughn
Lame rip-off of Where's Waldo? with zero wit and cruddy drawings. You'll find it misshelved in the Humor section. (Fantasma)

Marcia Clark: Her Private Trials and Public Triumphs Clifford L. Linedecker
Read about her stormy marriages! Her secret mentor! Her switch from a mousy perm to a sexy poodle cut! Better yet, skip this shabby clip job and wait for the real scoop from the soon-to-be-published Clark. (Pinnacle)

Mistrial of the Century Tracy Kennedy
Juror No. 602 was booted for taking notes for a book, then wrote this book, in which he denies that he planned to write a book. Makes Kato Kaelin seem sincere. (Dove)

Elvis Aaron Presley: Revelations from the Memphis Mafia Alanna Nash, with Billy Smith, Marty Lacker and Lamar Fike
A 766-page oral history that comes across like unedited and unedifying barroom bragging by Presley's associates. (St. Martin's)

Driving Under the Affluence Julia Phillips
Hollywood's spike-haired nasty girl has gone from coproducing The Sting to losing her sting in this reckless swipe at the Los Angeles scene. After You'll Never Eat Lunch in this Town Again, this one rolls off like a retread. (HarperCollins)

Where Love Goes Joyce Maynard
This whiny tale of a middle-aged single mom looking for love reads less like an autobiographical novel than like the author's "personals" ad. Get this woman a date. (Crown)

Nice Work If You Can Get It Michael Feinstein
S'wonderful, s'marvelous, that I should care for me. The sycophantic, self-adoring cabaret caballero writes about his friendship with the great (Ira Gershwin, Rosemary Clooney) and the grating (Liza Minnelli) and confides that he has never really gotten Sinatra's appeal. Likewise, we're sure. (Hyperion)

1945 Newt Gingrich and William R. Forstchen
This historical heavy breather featuring Adolf Hitler, Winston Churchill and a "pouting sex kitten" who goes by the name of Erika rewrites World War II to ask what if Germany had won. Good thing Gingrich isn't Writer of the House. (Baen)

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