STATUE OF DISLIBERTY
He's only about a foot tall, he's bald, and his gold plating is a tad tacky. Still, he's probably the most powerful naked man in show business, and this time each year, he's all anyone in Hollywood talks about. But Oscar isn't a happy guy. We sat down (well, he stood) with the little statuette to find out why.
So, Oscar, as the bartender said to the horse, why the long face?
Put yourself on my pedestal. Every movie outfit around is using my name to blurb its flicks—Oscar this, Oscar that—"Richard Dreyfuss deserves serious Oscar consideration," one says. If I went home with everyone they tried to fix me up with, I'd have more dates than Madonna
. And it ain't just movies. A few years back, this sporting goods maker ran a magazine ad with me holding a tennis racket. My elbow doesn't even bend. They settled.
So what do you want?
Read the 10-page rule book I put out: You use my name, I wanna see a copyright mark, an R in a circle. Use my picture, put A.M.P.A.S.—Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences—beneath it with a "c" in a circle before it and an "R" in a circle after, and only if the movie won an award. No video clips of the awards show without my say so.
Or you'll do what?
I'll sue, that's what. Ask the Chicago trophy company that settled for $300,000 for copying my pose.
But why be so touchy?
Hel-LO! Ever take "Aspirin?" Ever use "Cellophane?" Those words used to be trademarked. I don't want my name to be generic for "nice job."
So I guess you're getting ready for your big night on March 25?
I'm too busy to think about it. Right now I'm dealing with this guy in Rochester, N.Y., who named his three joints Oscars New York Style Delicatessen, Restaurant and Bar. He offered to drop the name and the phony statuettes all over, but he's still gotta pay. What a Gump!