Picks and Pans Review: Valley of the Dolls

updated 07/04/1994 AT 01:00 AM EDT

originally published 07/04/1994 AT 01:00 AM EDT

Syndicated (Check local listings)

C +

This is the week the Melrose Place spinoff Models Inc. premieres. But Fox wouldn't release the tapes for review. (Hmmmm. What could that portend?) I would feel remiss, however, if I didn't give you a replacement ration of trash TV to tide you through the molten days of early summer.

So welcome to Hollywood Babylon. In this late-night series based on Jacqueline Susann's schlock classic, three long-stemmed beauties (Colleen Morris, Melissa DeSousa and Sharon Case) are trying to make it in Tinseltown. Only Moms was born to this glitzy viper pit. She's the daughter of a glam jet-setting movie star (Sally Kirk-land) who tenders her such maternal advice as: "Well, darling, you won't be the first young woman to be misled by her erogenous zones." Actually it's the no-parking zones Kirkland should be worrying about. Shortly after this tête-à-tête, Moms, in a fit of jealous pique, crashes her sports car through a plate-glass window and into the living room of Mom's hacienda.

The series is harshly overlit, badly written and cheaply decorated. And the acting makes those horrid South American soaps seem like the Royal Shakespeare Company. The delirious plots boil down to two predominant behaviors: philandering and flirting. And each episode contains more skin and salty language than a season of NYPD Blue. Turn up the air con, and turn off your mind.

The show is getting a limited rollout. So far only the lucky viewers in Atlanta, Boston, Cleveland, Detroit, Milwaukee, San Diego and Tampa can see this decadently fluffy treat. If there is any justice, we'll all get to marvel over the Valley girls soon.

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