Worst of Pages

updated 12/26/1994 AT 01:00 AM EST

originally published 12/26/1994 AT 01:00 AM EST

ANNA PASTERNAK
Princess in Love
Boris's grandniece writes an inadvertently hilarious account of ex-Life Guards officer James Hewitt's heart-thumping affair with Princess Diana—adding enough heaving breasts to make Barbara Cartland blush. (Dutton)

WINSTON GROOM
Gumpisms
Subtitled "The Wit and Wisdom of Forrest Gump," this vapid little paperback is rarely witty and never wise. Life's Little Instruction Book is Kierkegaard by comparison. (Pocket)

JACKIE COLLINS
Hollywood Kids
The schlockmistress slathers on the Sturm und Dumb in this low-life tale of youthful misbehavior in Beverly Hills. (Simon & Schuster)

MARLO MORGAN
Mutant Message Down Under
The message is so murky in this incorrigible tale of trekking with Aboriginal nomads that it's hard to decipher—unless it's that worms and spiders are surprisingly tasty when roasted over an open fire. (HarperCollins)

BRET EASTON ELLIS
The Informers
In this ill-conceived satire about West Coast vampires and valium-popping Valley girls, Ellis seems bent on cementing his rep as the bad boy of American letters. (Knopf)

DOUGLAS COUPLAND
Life After God
The young, clueless and chronically depressed take center stage in this collection of go-nowhere stories by the author who named a demographic group with 1991's wry Generation X. (Pocket)

ROSEANNE
My Lives
Such insufferable soul-searching, blame-placing and male-bashing from TV's diva of dysfunction kinda makes you wonder why Tom Arnold didn't split sooner. (Ballantine)

MEG TILLY
Singing Songs
The relentless sexual, psychological and physical abuse of a child narrator and her unfortunate siblings in this novel with no redeeming purpose suggests that Meg may want to stick with acting. (Dutton)

BARBARA DeANGELIS
Real Moments
DeAngelis, who has become the equivalent of the McDonalds of Self-Help, seems plenty stale with this bag full of Mcwishful thoughts. (Delacorte)

HUNTER THOMPSON
Better Than Sex
Thompson's latest excursion into specious, self-important pop-political journalism is better only than sex with all the lights, clothes—and inhibitions—on. (Random House)

FURTHER FOLLIES

•NICHOLSON BAKER The Fermata (Random House)
•ELAINE KAGAN The Girls (Knopf)
•ROD and BOB JACKSON-PARIS Straight from the Heart (Warner)
•JOYCE BOVA Don't Ask Forever: My Love Affair with Elvis (Kensington Pub. Corp.)
•OLIVIA GOLDSMITH Fashionably Late

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