WITH NEARLY 3 MILLION COPIES OF Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus sold, author John Gray, 43, a marriage counselor who packs 'em in at his relationship seminars, hardly needs a CD-ROM version. But he's got silicon in his veins. Before he got into the man-woman biz, Gray was a computer programmer and he helped create the disc version. "I used to program computers," he says with a laugh. "Now I program people." He is intrigued by the marriage of old and new, "a technogadget about relationships." Video clips, he thinks, are the best teachers. Some are so close to home they inspire nervous giggles. "When men and women start laughing at their mistakes," says Gray, "their whole attitude shifts."