Picks and Pans Review: These Films Will Be Gone Tomorrow, Tomorrow!
>Nineteen eighty-two was an especially awful year at America's multiplexes and drive-ins, says John Bloom, aka Joe Bob Briggs, a syndicated newspaper and cable television commentator who specializes in reviewing, with perverse gusto, grade-Z movies. His explanation for stinkeroo '82, which included Annie and Inchon? "Hollywood had more money that year. "There were actually a few good movies: E.T., Sophie's Choice, Tootsie. And of course Basket Case. "That's the classic story of a mutant Siamese twin who looks like a squashed octopus and lives in a picnic basket carried around by his brother and occasionally eats people's faces off, "says Joe Bob. Here are his nominations for the worst movies of the past 20 years.
Joe Bob lists the 20 biggest losers
1. At Long Last Love (1975) Burt Reynolds singing! Cybill Shepherd dancing! Audiences puking!
2. Lipstick (1976) Mariel gets raped. Margaux gets mad. Acting lessons are ordered by the court.
3. Orca (1977) A cuddly killer whale dies when Richard Harris screams his lines at it.
4. Viva Knievel! (1977) Evel Knievel attempts to act.
5. The Swarm (1978) Killer bees! Michael Caine and Katharine Ross look mildly disturbed.
6. Starting Over (1979) Divorce is a bitch. Yawn.
7. Caligula (1979) Gives porno a bad name.
8. The Formula (1980) George C. Scott and Marlon Brando. Dueling waistlines.
9. Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981) The dramatic highlight comes when Bo Derek, as Jane, says, "I think I'll take a bath."
10. Butterfly (1981) The first in a series of one starring role for Pia Zadora.
11. Annie (1982) There are people still in comas because of this movie.
12. Inchon (1982) Jacqueline Bisset wanders around a battlefield in a sundress.
13. Six Weeks (1982) Mary Tyler Moore's daughter has six weeks to live, but it feels like six years.
14. Yes, Giorgio (1982) Luciano Pavarotti tosses off one-liners that need subtitles.
15. Yentl (1983) Nobel Prizewinner Isaac Bashevis Singer wrote the story. Barbra Streisand decided it would make a swell musical.
16. In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro (1984) Timothy Bottoms fights off killer baboons.
17. A Chorus Line (1985) Best horror film of the last 20 years.
18. Back to the Beach (1987) Frankie and Annette come out of cold storage. Let's not dwell on it.
19. Leonard, Part6 (1987) Bill Cosby doing that wholesome family thing. The families stayed home where they belonged.
20. She-Devil (1989) Roseanne attempts to emote.
On Newsstands Now
- Amy Robach: 'I'm Lucky to Be Alive'
- Paul Walker: Inside His Tragic Death
- Julia Roberts: Choosing Family Over Hollywood
Pick up your copy on newsstands
Click here for instant access to the Digital Magazine