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UPDATED 04/25/1994 at 01:00 AM EDT Originally published 04/25/1994 at 01:00 AM EDT

Sheesh, I go away for a few days and what happens? Madonna decides an appearance on the Late Show would just make a perfect opportunity to impress David Letterman with her encyclopedic knowledge of obscenities and other forms of foul language. Sportscaster Jim Rome uses a national interview to goad pro football player Jim Everett by addressing him as "Chris Evert," repeating the puerile insult until the quarterback finally gels up and attacks him on-camera. And to cap it all off, the Menendez brothers get their own prime-time movie (the first of two). Can't I leave you alone with the TV for a minute?

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