Recipe for a Cooke
CHARLES, PRINCE OF WALES
Credentials: Underemployed, has actually read all the books
Sample Opening Monologue: "The history of our splendid isle cannot be separated from its architecture, its noble people and its rolling moors. But I suppose you only want to know about my wife."
Series Most Excited About: Charles's Victory Garden (Part the First: "Plants as Confidantes")
Credentials: May need a new job
Sample Opening Monologue: "Don't you spell that T-H-E-A-T-E-R, not R-E?"
Series Most Excited About: Murphy Brown Gets Married
L.L COOL J.
Credentials: Sense of rhyme, would broaden audience base
Sample Opening Monologue: "I'm L.L. Cool and I'm here to say/Don't dis Brit lit cuz it's def OK!/They talk a lot about important stuff/But just as often they're in the buff!"
Series Most Excited About: Queen Mum's Gonna Knock You Out
Credentials: Large, genial, should be available between Star Search segments
Sample Opening Monologue: "Ha, ha, ho, ho. High-YO! Heeere's Brontë!"
Series Most Excited About: The Four Wives of Johnny the Great
REGIS PHILBIN and KATHIE LEE GIFFORD
Credentials: Fabulous chemistry, boundless enthusiasm
Sample Opening Monologue: Regis: "Gosh, more tedious tales of lesbian nurses in war-torn London."
Kathie Lee: "Reeege!!!!"
Series Most Excited About: Princess Diana's Favorite Soap Episodes
Credentials: Needs a job, has Eurotrash haircut
Sample Opening Monologue: "So what can I tell ya? If this little quasi-epic is boring, I am outta here."
Series Most Excited About: Madame Bovary: Just the Good Parts
Credentials: Macho star, wears glasses, uses big words
Sample Opening Monologue: From the sequel to I, Claudius: "Yo! Hadrian!"
Series Most Excited About: Rambo Goes to Eton
Credentials: British, female
Sample Opening Monologue: "Welcome to my set, darlings! Have you ever seen so many books? I started out in the theater, you know, and it has always been my passion...."
Series Most Excited About: Nell Gwynn: The King's Mistress