Picks and Pans Review: Quote

updated 04/05/1993 AT 01:00 AM EDT

originally published 04/05/1993 AT 01:00 AM EDT


AT AN EDITORIAL MEETING LAST YEAR, the mostly female staff of Hyperion Books were struggling to comprehend the success of Naura Hayden's How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time...& Have Her Beg for More, when someone hit on the devilish idea of doing a spoof called How to Aggravate a Woman Every Time...And Send Her Screaming Out the Door! With Hyperion's Jenny Gauthier and Mary Ann Naples editing and more than 30 male and female staffers contributing, the soft-cover original has just been published (at $6.95) under the pseudonym Y.I. Hatem. Some fail-safe stratagems:

•Ask her how her day was, then interrupt and tell her how your day was.

•Tell the waiter you're both ready to order when she's not.

•Forget or at least confuse the names of her family members and friends.

•Record your relationship for posterity: Take her picture when she least expects it, like first thing in the morning or as she steps out of the shower.

•Act insulted when she swoons over Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, then whistle loudly and wave at Michelle Pfeiffer during Batman Returns.

•Argue with her about something trivial right before the dinner she's hosting, and sulk throughout the evening.

•Look at her blankly when she tells you she loves you.

•Tell her you're not impressed by gorgeous, slender glamor girls—you'd rather come home to her.

•Tell her you want to get married...you just don't know when.

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