Picks and Pans Review: Memo To: Mr. Claus
From: Binky, elf shop steward
Re: Music in the factory
During our monthly union meeting it was noted that for 127 years you have allowed nothing but Boxcar Willie's Christmas Hits to be played in the factory. Well, Boxcar Willie and that thing with the barking dogs. However, recent scientific studies have concluded that more upbeat, interesting music in the workplace improves productivity. We have a few suggestions.
Please Mr. Santa Claus by Evan Johns and His H-Bombs would be quite welcome. Johns is from Austin, Texas, and songs like "Little Cajun Drummer Boy" sizzle with that Texas rockin' blues sound. True, the album is only a half-hour long, and it inexplicably includes aversion of "Telstar." But the record's feverish pace will get the elves working at record speed. (Rykodisc)
You may not know the Twang, a Los Angeles group, but the band's name explains them. Their music is a new take on old-fashioned hoedown material, and the lead singer sounds like Frankie Laine. Yule Train also features some amusing new Christmas tunes, such as "Buy War Toys for Christmas." which might move those leftover Rambos. (Metaphor Records, P.O. Box 334, Pacific Palisades, Calif., 90272)
Just in Time for Christmas will appeal to Spike, the elf in shipping. You know, the one with the purple Mohawk. It's for the hip crowd, rocking fast and furious with tunes like "Cool Yule" by Rebel Pebbles and "Shouldn't Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas" by Wall of Voodoo. (I.R.S.)
I hope you will take note of this list and make the appropriate changes. Needless to say, this would not be an ideal time for an elf strike.
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