"Yes, your honor. The case of Debbie Gibson vs. the Public. She is suing for custody of her image. I'm her conscience and I'll be representing her."
"It doesn't appear the Public has shown up for this hearing, so you may proceed."
"The Public still views Ms. Gibson as a giddy teen. But with her third album, Anything Is Possible, Ms. Gibson, who is now 20, should be taken seriously. Exhibit A is Lamont Dozier, noted Motown songwriter, who co-wrote four songs with Ms. Gibson. This is a well-respected writer, and his presence connotes that she is respected."
"I need better evidence than that."
"Exhibit B is how all the tracks, except the catchy 'Another Brick Falls,' blend in with most other overproduced Top 40 hits. Ms. Gibson is mature; she knows playing it safe sells records. As Exhibit C, I offer this sleeve photo of Ms. Gibson showing cleavage and sitting on a motorcycle."
"Is there anything else?"
"Well, Exhibit D is the clever way in which Ms. Gibson puts all the dance songs together and calls it the NRG side of the record—for the record, that's 'energy' in cute form—and all the ballads on the 'Mood Swings' side. That makes this a concept record. You know, like Abbey Road.
"Finally, Exhibit E: Every song title is spelled right. Could a teenager do that?"
"I'm sorry, but I must rule in favor of the Public. They can keep their image of Debbie Gibson a while longer.