Bruce Willis, Andie MacDowell
No need to phone ahead. This is the movie playing all the time on every screen of every theater in hell.
Brainless, witless, gutless and tasteless, it is a droning ordeal of brutish violence, dumb innuendo and such vile jokes as one based on the destruction of the space shuttle Challenger.
The film cost a reported $45 million, its cast includes Danny Aiello and Richard Grant as well as Willis and MacDowell, its producer was Joel (Lethal Weapon) Silver, its director was Michael (Heathers) Lehmann, and its writers were Steven E. (48 HRS.) De Souza and Daniel (Heathers) Waters. Given all that, this is a shamefully amateurish production.
A smirky Willis plays a cat burglar coerced into stealing a Da Vinci statue. The rest of the convoluted plot has to do with alchemy, CIA types led by James Coburn, a nun—undercover operative and a mad couple played by Grant and comedian Sandra Bernhard.
The clubbing, crotch-kicking mayhem is incessant. The acting is dismal. Willis slurs lines, and Bernhard is wooden enough to leave splinters.
To give discredit where discredit is due: De Souza and Waters never make a comic point or satirize anything. They just saddle the cast with impenetrable/insipid lines: "They think the Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea."
This, in short, is a chance to see the most hateful movie of all time. (R)
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