Picks and Pans Review: A Ghost in Monte Carlo

updated 04/02/1990 at 01:00 AM EDT

originally published 04/02/1990 01:00AM

TNT (Mon., April 2, 8 P.M. ET)

F

Travel back with us now on the tattered wings of Barbara Cartland's imagination to the year 1875. In a banal, contrived melodrama—based on a novel by the dowdy queen of romance—an unbalanced, man-hating Parisian madame (Sarah Miles) plucks her naive niece (Lysette Anthony) from a convent to use her as an instrument of vengeance in Monaco.

Soon, handsome, titled suitors (Jolyon Baker and Marcus Gilbert) are buzzing around the young innocent, and among other utterly hackneyed plot twists, she is kidnapped and nearly ravished by an Eastern potentate (Oliver Reed). Christopher Plummer also pops up to preside over the fairy-tale wedding that caps this bone-headed gown-and-chandelier sham. Don't waste your time.

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