Picks and Pans Review: Planning Your Wedding: the Experts'guide
RAND McNALLY'S GREAT HONEYMOONS
Who better than Zsa Zsa Gabor to serve as a guide to honeymoon hideaways? She has, after all, wallowed in the experience eight times herself. Fans won't mind that her accent is still as thick as a buttery Budapest palacsinta. Gabor, dolled up in (and sometimes spilling out of) one frou-frou frock after another, introduces five favored honeymoon spots. "You are zoe lucky, dahlings. Vat places!!" Viewers are then treated to film footage of the location, which includes sporting facilities and interiors of an assortment of hotel rooms. First stop is the Poconos, the mountainous region of northeastern Pennsylvania, also known as the haven of heart-shaped hot tubs. Try finding a suite here without beveled mirrors around the beds. Outdoor activities include skiing, sailing, horseback riding, golf and tennis. Zsa Zsa finds the options so varied that she suggests taking a different man for each season.
Then it's off to sherbet-colored Bermuda, where the camera work hardly does justice to this little British jewel in the Atlantic. Jamaica is seen next as a montage of sand, sea and historic sights. Scenes of animated Acapulco suggest lots of cliff diving by day and sweaty discos by night. Rather than exploring the lush Hawaiian islands of Maui and Kauai, the tour stops at the Big Island, Hawaii. Not every pair of newlyweds will want to line up for a 7:30 A.M. mahimahi auction at Hilo's pungent fish market or have the urge to romp around at a smoky Polynesian luau. But there is always golf, and Gabor points out that some fairways on this volcanic island are cut right through lava fields! "Aaach. Eees zat exciting?" Brisk tours of each honeymoon stop are followed by helpful voice-over instructions (along with toll-free numbers) on how to get there and what to take, as well as pointers on climate, clothing and currency. Then it's back to Zsa Zsa, who insists on playing a parody of herself. Some of her observations are downright mystifying. Midway through a visit to Bermuda, for example, she offers this thought: "I think all men should be cowboys like Clint Eastwood. He can come to my house anytime viz his horse." Make her day, dahling. (Best Film & Video, $19.95; 800-527-2189).