Picks and Pans Review: Satan's School for Girls
ABC (Mon., March 13, 8 p.m. ET)
Where were you on Sept. 19, 1973? I can't account exactly for my activities that evening, but I know I wasn't watching something called Satan's School for Girls. If I take ABC's word that it was a "classic" TV movie, then I have to say this remake doesn't quite measure up.
Shannen Doherty stars as a young woman who enrolls at an all-female college under an assumed name so she can investigate her sister's supposed suicide. (She takes the sleuthing into her own hands because the police, of course, "don't care.") The student body includes a witchy-looking clique that might have done something diabolical to the deceased, but the heroine is conveniently blessed with enough paranormal power to give the forces of hell a heck of a battle. Those who tune in late and see Doherty bending a candle flame telekinetically may think her Charmed character has switched networks.
Kate Jackson, who played a student in the original, is cast here as a dean who has Don't Trust Me written all over her face. Satan's School for Girls offers an adequate two-hour course in paranoia, but it takes more to stand out in today's pop-culture curriculum, where the occult has become commonplace.
Bottom Line: Standard walk on the dark side
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