Itemized Deductions
Before the bug-eating and backstabbing began, Survivor contestants got to choose one luxury item to bring to their decidedly non-luxurious surroundings. While there are no plans for a Celebrity Survivor—yet—we asked a few members of Hollywood's tribe what they'd need to make it in the wild.
Edie Falco: "I'm very minimalistic, so I wouldn't bring anything at all. I wouldn't even bring a toothbrush."
Al Franken: "A book on shipbuilding. Or Sharon Stone."
Kirsten Dunst: "My cat. Because he's fun to play with, he'd entertain me, and I could eat him if I was really hungry."
Bill Maher: "A calendar, so I'd know when the Bush Administration is over and it's safe to come back."
Malcolm in the Middle's Jane Kaczmarek: "My children...no, that wouldn't be a luxury."
Tom Hanks: "A comfy chair, because there is no comfortable place to sit on a desert island."
Before Night Falls' Javier Bardem: "My ego, because then I can survive. I'll have someone to talk with."
Jenna Elfman: "I'd take a fashion magazine. I'd probably die, but at least I'd be looking at pretty pictures."
Minnie Driver: "An industrial strength [inflatable] bed. I can't bear having sand in places where sand shouldn't be."
Craig Kilborn: "I have a manservant named Chad, and he makes really good fresh-squeezed orange juice, 'd bring him."
Sting: "Trudie [Styler, his wife]. I wouldn't want another item. I'd rather die."
That 70s Show's Topher Grace: "Wilson, from Cast Away. That's the thing to have, isn't it? A volleyball?"
Sam's Dad I Am
It's been seven years since Cheers' last call, and now that he's let his hair go gray, not everybody knows Ted Danson's name. "When it's brown, people recognize me, but this way I just blend in," says Danson, who returns to his dark roots when filming his CBS sitcom Becker. "On shoot nights two very nice ladies with cans of brown mousse come, and voilà—there it is." But anonymity isn't all it's cracked up to be, as Danson, 53, discovered while renting some videos. "I had my gray hair, and my credit card says Edward Bridge Danson, which is my real name," he recalls. "The kid at Blockbuster looked at the credit card, looked at me and said, 'Oh, you must be Ted Danson's father.' To which you can only shrug and say, 'Yes, yes, I am.' "
Sizing Up the Competition
"I really love my job," says actress Aida Turturro, who would do just about anything for The Sopranos' creator David Chase, who cast her as Tony Soprano's scheming sister Janice—except slim down for the part. "I would never do that for Hollywood," says Turturro, 38. "If anybody said anything to me, I don't care who it is, I wouldn't stand for it." Thankfully the HBO drama, which stars a well-fed James Gandolfini, among other beefy actors, isn't slimcentric. "It's demeaning how [Hollywood] treats women," says Turturro. "That's not how our show works. It's not about how you look. Look at the guys!"
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"A kazoo, so I could make sure I was the first one voted off"
RAY ROMANO, on the "luxury item" he'd bring to Survivor
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