Why We Love Bad Boys

updated 11/28/2005 AT 01:00 AM EST

originally published 11/28/2005 AT 01:00 AM EST

A good man is not so hard to find. I've dated a bunch of them. They call when they say they're going to call, they take you out on actual dates, they tell their friends and even their parents about you, they like their parents, they play their phone messages in front of you, they have just one glass of wine with dinner because they're driving, they have jobs, they have female friends they haven't slept with... yeah, yeah, whatever. The point is, they're not hard to find. Bad boys are hard to find, because they're never where they're supposed to be. In fact, they're not supposed to be anywhere. They do as they please. They go where the wind takes them. If you're lucky, you might get a cell phone number, so you never know exactly what (or who) a bad boy is doing. It's infuriating and insensitive and intriguing and insane and oh, how we love bad boys.

You know you're dating a bad boy when you're not sure you're actually dating. Bad boys are usually one of two things: unavailable or undressed. This leaves you unable to think of anything but where the hell is he and when will he do that to me again? Bad boys are rule breakers and heart-breakers and bed shakers and oh, how we love bad boys.

A bad boy will call you "baby," probably because he forgot your name, but still, there's nothing sexier than a bad boy who's dying to see you, baby. It doesn't matter if anything he says is true. It sounds good, and it feels good, because baby, bad boys have throw down. Bad boys are not tentative about kissing. They are not tentative about anything. They know what they want, and they go for it, which is thrilling when it's you, and not so thrilling when it's suddenly the model (not) eating at the table next to yours. Of course, that rarely happens, because bad boys rarely take you out. They don't have to. The bar is low for bad boys. They don't have to surprise you with flowers, it's a surprise they show up at all. In fact, a bad boy is happy to let a good guy take you to dinner, ask you about you, kiss you goodnight at the door...a bad boy knows he can call at midnight and still get invited over for dessert.

Bad boys are dessert. They're like hot fudge sundaes. You know they're not good for you. You know that as a woman, at a certain age, you're not supposed to indulge anymore, but that doesn't mean you won't fantasize about it while you're eating your mixed berries. The other fantasy, of course, is that you will somehow reform a bad boy. That you will meet one with a motorcycle and tattoos and a love of bars, and he'll tell you he's trouble, but clearly that's all a front. In truth, he's just wounded, as we all are, and eventually he'll fall madly in love with you because you are what's missing in his life. Okay, I admit it. I recently married a bad boy. The thing is, bad boys are so elusive, so aware of their options (her, her and her), so impossible to pin down, that when a bad boy gives you a ring, it means something. That you should hire a very old nanny. Oh, oh, oh, how we love bad boys.

Cindy Chupack won three Golden Globes and an Emmy as writer/executive producer of Sex and the City. Her The Between Boyfriends Book was a best-seller.

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