Picks and Pans Review: How Clean Is Your House?

UPDATED 09/13/2004 at 01:00 AM EDT Originally published 09/13/2004 at 01:00 AM EDT

Lifetime (Mondays, 11 p.m. ET)

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When I read that Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie were doing a U.S. version of their hit British makeover series, I looked forward to some good cleaning fun as they clucked their tongues at clutter like a couple of female Felix Ungers.

I should have heeded the Lifetime ads that proclaim, "This show stinks."

The visitors inspect American dwellings that are not just messy but nauseatingly filthy. We're talking indoor animal droppings, folks. The family in the Sept. 6 premiere keeps 13 pets, and the second episode introduces us to a horse trainer whose home is lavishly decorated with cat vomit. To make matters worse, Kim insists on smelling anything that looks especially vile.

There are a few useful household tips once the cleanup begins, but the intrusive voice-over narrator is hopelessly addicted to alliterations like "rancid refrigerator."

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