The Incredibles

updated 12/27/2004 at 01:00 AM EST

originally published 12/27/2004 01:00AM

BUZZ LIGHTFINGER

HUMAN IDENTITY
Ken Jennings

SUPERPOWER
Skull encases lump of gray matter teeming with abnormal amount of Jeopardy! trivia.

ARCHENEMY
The Stumper, able to quick-freeze him with one question out of a billion. (Human identity: Alex Trebek)

CAPTAIN HYPERBOLE

HUMAN IDENTITY
Donald Trump

SUPERPOWER
Amazing ability to spin everything he touches into the best—the classiest resort, the sexiest fiancée, the finest bottled water. Even turns what looks like defeat—casino bankruptcy—upside down: It's good for the company!

SPECIAL DEVICE
Conspicuous comb-over hair (stiffness of strands suggests plutotitanium) deflects negative buzz.

BLONDERELLA

HUMAN IDENTITY
Paris Hilton

SUPERPOWER
Burning through guys faster than an X-Chick with laser vision while defying space and time to leap from party to party.

RUMOR
Mutant powers developed by prolonged proximity to enormous stacks of money.

THE TRANS-FATTERS

HUMAN IDENTITY
Renée Zellweger & George Clooney

SUPERPOWER
In the never-ending battle for truth, bigger roles and awards, can instantly morph into pudgy or skinny.

MYSTERY
Where do the pounds go? Secret theory: From one star to the other!

SUPERFRIEND OR FOE?
Kirstie Alley. Hard to tell.

MULTITASK MAN

HUMAN IDENTITY
Sean Combs

SUPERPOWER
Draws energy from his customized Facet Changer to transform himself in mere nanoseconds per photo op: designer, actor, hip-hop impresario and political sloganeer ("Vote or die!").

ALTERNATE IDENTITIES
"P. Diddy." "Puff Daddy," "Puffy"

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