Picks and Pans Review: I Married a Princess

UPDATED 04/25/2005 at 01:00 AM EDT Originally published 04/25/2005 at 01:00 AM EDT

Lifetime (Mondays, 8 p.m. ET)

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Casper Van Dien is an actor, probably best known for his role in the 1997 sci-fi feature Starship Troopers. His wife, former Dynasty cast member Catherine Oxenberg, is the daughter of Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia. But life isn't all glamor when you've got five kids running around the house—even if it's a beautiful house in Malibu. "We have the same struggles with our family as everyone else," Van Dien reveals in the April 18 premiere of this flimsy reality series. He neglects to explain why such ordinariness should be entertaining for the rest of us to watch.

The children range in age from 1 to 13, and their problems include dirty diapers and flawed table manners. While Daddy's up in Canada working on a TV movie (for Lifetime, of course), Mommy fails to stay on top of her morning responsibilities and winds up driving the kids to school in her pajamas. I don't mean to seem unsympathetic, but what good is royal blood if it doesn't entitle you to a full-time chauffeur?

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