Picks and Pans Review: Chef Gordon Ramsay's Five Signs You're in a Bad Restaurant

updated 10/15/2007 AT 01:00 AM EDT

originally published 10/15/2007 AT 01:00 AM EDT

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RUDE RESERVATIONISTS We're not booking a flight, we're booking an experience. Engage with the customer.

BAD LIGHTING Restaurants should light the ladies, not the man. It's there to enhance. If she's not feeling sexy because the lights are too bright, you've lost her. Game over!

DIRTY BATHROOMS Go to the bathroom. If it's not immaculate, I can guarantee the length of time my wife wants to spend in the restaurant is cut by one hour.

A WAITSTAFF THAT'S ALL WET If I see a waiter sweating, I'll turn around and go. It means the restaurant is understaffed, out of control and dripping sweat in your salad.

RUSHING PATRONS The customers are king, not cattle.

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