star Natasha Lyonne has opened up about her troubled past
, including "being in pain a lot" during a five-month 2005 stay in the hospital – at least those parts she can remember.
"I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, could hardly talk, could barely walk," Lyonne, 28, told The New York Times
. Candid about her self-destructive path and use of what she termed opiates, she says, "It definitely felt like I was on a mission, and working was not high on my priority list. I just did not foresee myself being an actress when all was said and done."
Saying her attitude toward life has long been divided between "Oh, hey, isn't this great?" and "Who gives a damn anyway?," Lyonne says she is now attempting to be more upbeat in her outlook.
"I took it about as far as I could," she said about her behavior. "And I didn't die, so I decided to live, basically. Obviously it's complicated, but it's also very simple. I wasn't dead at 27, so I might as well be 30. You're already in it. You may as well be in a rocking chair some day eating a lobster club."
– Stephen M. Silverman