Continued from page 2

The Real Tori

Originally posted Thursday February 21, 2008 10:00 AM EST

1991: The cast: "There were different cliques at different times." Photo by: Everett

She found fame a mixed blessing – tabloid reports that she'd had multiple plastic surgeries made her cry. (For the record, she says she had one nose job, at 16, and breast implants. "If I knew the styles were going to be the way they are now, I wouldn't have gotten my boobs done in the '90s. The clothes now wear so much better when you're smaller. In the '90s it was all about big boobs in halter tops.") She met first husband Charlie Shanian in 2002, while starring opposite him in a play he wrote, Maybe Baby, It's You.

Charlie was different from anyone I'd dated. He cared about me the way a man should. His family was a major part of the attraction. He took me to his mother's house in Peabody, Mass. It was total suburbia, something I'd only experienced on TV, and I loved it. His mother had knickknacks that said things like "Gardens Grow With Love." (My mother's version would say "Gardens Grow With a Large, Full-Time Staff of Horticulturalists.") I wanted Charlie's family. I was in love with the idea of him.

Suzanne, one of his best friends, said, "You sure about this? You know he's very Christian and doesn't believe in divorce." I joked, "But momma does." Though I believed in marriage, part of me knew divorce was an escape hatch if I needed it. Charlie wanted the sweet, perfect-wife part of me. Sweet, perfect wife is about 10 percent of the package.

While planning the wedding, arguments over the cost and details strained Tori's relationship with her mother, Candy, 62. It didn't bode well for the marriage. A year after the wedding, while filming the TV movie Mind Over Murder in Ottawa, Tori met Dean McDermott, her costar.

I'd been instantly attracted to men before, but this was different. It was love at first sight. I fell so hard.

Usually when I first meet a boy, I can't eat in front of him. I'm too worried about having something green in my teeth or talking with food in my mouth. But that night I ate every morsel. Dean said he was impressed that a tiny girl like me ate so much.

I was, I realized, completely myself around him. He told me I was "tragically cute." I thought that was adorable. Then I noticed he had a wedding ring. When someone asked, he pulled out photos of his children. And – oh, yeah – I had a husband too. It was fun to flirt, but I knew nothing would happen.

But: Dean and I went to a bar after dinner. And we spent the night at the Cartier Place. The following day when I woke up next to Dean, I had no regrets. Something was really wrong with my marriage. Not only because I slept with this guy – though that certainly wasn't a positive sign – but because I didn't regret it.

Dean and I hid our relationship from the cast and crew. Only twelve days had passed when Dean, sitting across a table from me, texted: I'm in big trouble. I didn't want to pull out my BlackBerry and give us away. Later I asked him, "Why are you in big trouble?" He said, "I'm in love with you." I said, "I love you, too."

Dean told his wife he was leaving her. Terrified to break the news to Charlie, Tori e-mailed him, asking him to meet at her therapist's office.

My heart was pounding. I was sure I couldn't do it. And yet, there I was, waiting in the therapist's office when Charlie came in. He saw me and started to cry. He said, "I'm not going to let you get rid of me. I love you."

I started talking. I told him that I'd never been in love with him. I loved him and he'd been a friend to me, but I married him because he was a great guy, a guy who took care of me. Charlie didn't want to hear it. He kept saying, "Where's all this coming from? We have a perfect relationship." Then he turned to me. "Did you cheat on me?" I said yes. He said, "It was with Dean, wasn't it?" I said yes. He said, "I should have known."

He left angry and hurt, and I felt sorry and sad. I never got to say a real good-bye to Charlie's family, who I knew must hate me. A relative with whom I'd been close wrote to say, "All those years when people said Tori Spelling's a whore, I defended you. At least I don't have to anymore."

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