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I was looking forward to being the mother I had missed. And it was important for Dean and me to be parents together. My father had always doted on me, often in ways that I later realized were damaging. One of my earliest memories is being at my dad's bedside when I was about five. He told me that he loved me more than anything in the whole world. I asked, "What about Mommy?" And he replied, "No, I love you the most. I love you more than Mommy." When he said that, I looked up and saw my mother standing in the doorway.
Now I think that sort of comment set the tone for my relationship with my mother. My whole life I always blamed her. Now I know that he fanned the flame.
Some time after the crazy, grief-laden, anger-filled mess that played out in the tabloids [following her father's death], my mother sent me a really nice email saying that she knew I was pregnant. She said she would always love me. She wanted to be a part of this time in my life. It was heartfelt, and it filled me with hope.
At Tori's invitation, her mom came to the hospital for Liam's birth.I started to cry when I saw her. I realized in that moment that this was exactly what I needed. Oh, right, and the baby who was struggling to enter this world? His heart rate was dropping. It eventually became clear that a C-section was in order.
It didn't seem like I'd been in surgery long when the doctor said, "Here he comes!" Then I heard Liam's first cry. It took my breath away. I was overwhelmed with love. Dean said, "Oh my God, he's gorgeous." I looked down at my baby and said, "Oh, he is. And thank God he has a good nose." Back home Dean and I settled into our new life as parents. Liam completed us.
My whole life I wanted to be normal. When I think of what I have now, it's not the biggest or best or most anything. It's family and love and safety. It's work and laughter and imperfection. It's my normal.
JOSH & FERGIE: ROCKED BY SCANDAL
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Married less than a year, the couple denies an Atlanta woman’s claims that she and Josh had a fling
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