Steve-O Tells Friends: I'm Paying for My Self-Destructive Behavior

03/14/2008 at 05:00 PM EDT

Steve-O Tells Friends: I'm Paying for My Self-Destructive Behavior
Pacific Coast

E-mail from Steve-O to Friends

Subject: You Should All Know I'm In The Looney Bin

"They call it "code 5150," that means "psycho," legally, f---in bat-s--t, certifiably. I'm outta my mind, believe-you-me. How'd I get this way? How can this be? It's gotten so bad there's nothing left of me." -Steve-O

Those words were written during a "low." Before the day when Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Tremaine, Big Regg, Swizz, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyaschevich, Cordell Mansfield, and Trip Taylor came to my home and, physcially, forced me into the hospital (where I was placed on a 5150 "hold"), I had thought of "bipolar" as a "good" thing. I rationally deduced that, with our time in this life being so limited, it was productive to stick to nothing but extremely high "highs", and extremely low "lows." ANYTHING but to "crash on the rocks of mediocrity." I figured that, since I am an extraordinarily "tough" individual, I could handle it, and my legacy would be comprised of only that which could be described as "intense." After four days in a psychiatric ward (a.k.a. "looney bin," a.k.a. "cuckoo's nest") it has dawned on me that a great deal of what I produced, while on narcotics-induced "highs," was a bunch of manic bulls--t that made little-to-no sense and, furthermore, was devastating to those who love me the most. At this point, I am no longer "5150-status" (which was the three-day "hold" on me, resulting from suicidal behavior). I am now "5250-status" (which means that the "hold" has been extended to 14 days, for the exact same reasons). I'm not getting out of this "insane asylum" any time in the immediate future, so, I'm going to learn as much from the experience as possible. So far, I've figured out that I did a great deal of damage to my brain by abusing drugs and, now that they've all worn off, I'm facing the consequences. I suppose it is an ironic "eye for an eye" situation that I am in, coping with the lowest "lows" that I've ever experienced-as a form of punishment for the emotional distress that I have put my loved ones through with the self-destructive behavior that led me here.

I already know that I will be handing these pages over to my beautiful assistant, Jen Moore, during our next visitation, and instructing her to share them with as many people as possible on the Internet (rather than try to sell a "juicy" story to the tabloid press for profit). I hope that I haven't disappointed too many of my fans. Actually, ya know what? Anyone that is disappointed by any of these words really doesn't matter to me. I've harmed myself to no end for those people (at the expense of my loved ones), and look where it got me.

Now, what do I have to add? The research I did into the immortality of the soul, the end of life in our current bodies, and the 4th dimension, was, by no means a bunch of bulls--t. I could stand before you all and say very similar words to the ones I say in the following clip, it's just that I happened to be under the influence of a very dangerous amount of drugs when it was filmed:

Remember, everyone, "Be real careful, don't misbehave...That's all you gotta know to be saved..." -me

I Love You All, Steve-O

P.S. I'm really in the looney bin, but I think it was TJ that read my mind. Is that right, are you TJ? Maybe I'm wrong...

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