07/10/2008 at 10:00 AM EDT
50 Cent says not being able to see his 11-year old son Marquis "is the toughest, because he's my motivation."
"I'd like to be able to just see my baby," said the rapper in an interview with MTV.com
50 Cent (real name: Curtis Jackson) has had limited contact with his son while he and Marquis's mother, ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins, battle over custody issues, following what authorities call a "suspicious" fire that destroyed the home
where Marquis lived with Tompkins.
Jackson is also upset that Marquis will not join him on the road this year.
"In the summertime, for the first two years I was successful, my son has traveled with us on those tours," said the hip-hop star, who turned 33 on Sunday. "This summer, when he's free, it's, like, no communication. It's tough."
Jackson also explained why he's reluctant to talk about the situation in depth. "My son at some point will have the opportunity to see [what Shaniqua and I are saying about each other]," he said. "She's still his mother, and I'm still his father, regardless. He's gonna love both of us."
Last month, a judge granted Tompkins a temporary order of protection against Jackson after she accused the rapper of trying to kill her and their son by burning down their Long Island home – valued at $2.4 million – on May 30.
Jackson has vehemently denied he was behind the house fire and filed a $ 20 million defamation lawsuit
against his ex, as well as visitation petition in June.
"My relationship with my son is changing because he and his mom aren't friends anymore," he said. "There's different channels I have to go through. He has lawyers appointed to him through the court. So I have to talk to his lawyer to get things situated for me to for me to actually get him."
But ultimately, Jackson thinks his son wants to be back in his life.
"I think he doesn't want his mom to feel like he's a traitor," the rapper said. "There's nothing you can do about that."