A Small Miracle
WHEN DID YOU FIND OUT THAT THERE MIGHT BE A PROBLEM?
SCOTT: When Bailey was 5 days old. They told us she might have this disease, and we immediately both went on the Internet. As you read about it, you feel powerless. I didn't know how to hold my child. I was afraid to fall in love with her. Not out of being a cold guy, it was just that my self-preservation kicked in. I still held her, but I didn't want to get too attached because if she were to leave, I would have been in an institution. I didn't want my heart to be torn out for the rest of my life.
DID SHE HAVE ANY SYMPTOMS?
SCOTT: No, but what happened was every time she looked at you funny, every time she would spit up, you would become convinced she had it. Then Renee would get on the phone to talk about it with her dad and mom in Tennessee and I would completely lose it. I couldn't hear her talk about it.
DID IT AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
SCOTT: We would fight about anything. Of course we would comfort each other and listen to one another, but there was so much rage in us about it, and it started to come out. We have been through several wars together. It was hard because it was all revolving around this innocent soul that has no clue.
WHO DID YOU TURN TO?
SCOTT: I would go out and get firewood out in the back by the tennis court. I would go out there, and in my head, I would scream at my father [Mario Baio died in March of last year] and at God both. Why are you doing this? In the dictionary under rage, there was a picture of me. I was insanely angry.
RENEE: We could not celebrate this child. I can't even count the number of times I went into her bathroom in the nursery after I put her to sleep, and I would cry and just hug the toilet bowl and throw up, I'd cry so much. I didn't go through postpartum. I went through a nervous breakdown.
WHAT WAS YOUR LOWEST POINT?
SCOTT: I went to a church by my parents' house. I was by myself. I cried for half an hour. That was the lowest point of my life. It was total, complete despair. I sat in the pew crying, saying, "Okay, God, whatever you want. I have yelled at you. I have begged." I was done.
RENEE: I needed to keep my stability and my sanity, because I was nursing this child. And I was raised that God won't give you what you want, he will give you what you need.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE WHEN YOU HEARD BAILEY WOULD BE OKAY?
SCOTT: We did what everybody does, which is you exhale for a week. When I found out she was healthy, it changed me. It made me appreciate everything so much more. If we hadn't gone through this, I would have been the same kind of guy I always was. But now it's different. I'm so madly in love with her because of a lot of things. One of them is that she's okay and that now my job is to protect her and care for her. I cannot believe how much I love my kid. It's a beautiful thing.
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