"When I drink I turn into a moron," the comedian, 43, tells Entertainment Tonight. "I think I'm being funny and clever, but I look back on the video tape and I border on retardation."
Dick, who was arrested outside a bar in July and pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery and marijuana possession in October, says that as a public figure he is "a very easy target" for ridicule.
"It's like making fun of a mentally handicapped person," he says, "because I am when I have that much alcohol inside of me."
Even when his life was spiraling out of control – "[I was] sitting in the back of the cop car urinating all over myself, crying, blowing my nose into my own shirt," he recalls – Dick says he still didn't seek help, even though it "was incomprehensible demoralization."
Praises Ankle MonitorInstead the comedian, who received three years' probation and will appear on VH1's Sober House (a show that will follow celebrities after they leave rehab), credits part of his sobriety to the ankle monitor he is required to wear.
"I didn't like it at first but now it's become my new best friend," he says about the bracelet, which detects any traces of alcohol in his system. "If it wasn't for [the device] I would probably already be drinking by now."
He also acknowledges addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinksy in helping him to recover.
"The only person I trusted was [Pinsky]," Dick says. "I've known him for 20 years, so there's history and trust. If anyone was to help me, it would be him. And I don't know if I could look more of a fool than I already have."
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