Even with their divorce pending, Kate Gosselin says, when asked if she still loves her soon-to-be ex, Jon Gosselin: "When I think back to the Jon I knew – yes, suffice it to say."
However, the star of TLC's Kate & Jon Plus 8, who continues to wear her wedding ring, says that's not because of any hope of reuniting with Jon. Speaking on Monday's Today show in her first live TV interview since her marriage ended seven weeks ago, Kate broke into tears as she told the program's Meredith Vieira that the ring remains on her finger because "I don't want to upset [the children]."
The sextuplets and twins, all under the age of 10, "know that it's my 'married to Daddy' ring," she said.
Repeatedly describing herself as "determined to hang in there," Gosselin, 34, said "I am as well as can be expected" and prepared to deal with whatever life hands her. Her chief concern, she made clear, is "the health and well-being of my children."
Still, she admits, "I wake up … and I feel failure."
On Jon's AffairWith a different dynamic at work in the house now that Jon is no longer there, Kate said his absence had to be explained a few times to the youngsters. At the same time, with the domestic squabbles no longer taking place face-to-face, she said, "There's more peace in the house now."
Asked by Vieira for her reaction to discovering her husband was suddenly dating Hailey Glassman, Kate, while admitting it was "hurtful," replied, "I was shocked. But, to be honest, that's his life."
Jon, who reputedly wishes to remain friends with his estranged wife, was scheduled to tape a TV interview with E! immediately after the airing of Kate's Today appearance, but that sit-down was canceled. A source close to Jon Gosselin says that he was never authorized by TLC to do an interview with a rival cable network, "and had to pull out for legal reasons," PEOPLE has learned.