Kourtney Kardashian 'This Baby Is a Blessing'

updated 08/31/2009 AT 01:00 AM EDT

originally published 08/31/2009 AT 01:00 AM EDT

It was in May, while filming in the hot, swampy Florida Everglades, that Kourtney Kardashian first realized something wasn't quite right. "I was feeling nauseous," Kourtney, 30, says. "It wasn't only in the morning, it was all day too."

Kourtney and her sister Khloé, 25, were immersed in shooting their E! reality show Kourtney & Khloé Take Miami, a spinoff of their hit Keeping Up with the Kardashians, which also features middle sister Kim, 28. But remembering a one-night fling with her ex-boyfriend, entrepreneur Scott Disick, Kourtney finally realized humidity and the flu weren't causing her discomfort. "As much denial as I was in, in a weird way, I knew," she says. "Still, I took 20 tests until it was obvious: I was pregnant."

Kourtney's first call was to Disick, 26, who was in New York City at the time. "He was so excited," she says. "He flew to Miami the same day. I was still in such shock. He was like, 'When are you going to believe it?'" As the news sank in, Kourtney struggled with what to do next.

"I thought long and hard," she says. "I was sitting on my bed, hysterically crying. I didn't know what to do." Ultimately she concluded terminating the pregnancy wasn't an option. "I'm 30 years old, I support myself, I'm with someone I love," she says. "This baby was unexpected, but it's 100 percent a blessing."

After telling sister Kim—"She just wanted to make sure I had thought this through," Kourtney says—she still had to break the news to mom Kris Jenner, whose disapproval of Disick was chronicled in Keeping Up with the Kardashians. A nervous Kourtney finally had her outspoken sister do the deed. "I was like, 'Khloé, you say it.' I just couldn't," says Kourtney. "Mom screamed, 'What?' and then it took her a minute to digest. Actually it took her a couple of weeks to get used to the idea. But she is so happy now."

As for Mom's official take on the baby's father, Kourtney says, "She had trust issues. But the pregnancy brought them closer." Yet Kourtney admits that in the past, she too had concerns about Disick, from whom she split in November after two years of dating. "When he was with me, I would trust him," she says. "I just didn't like his behavior when he would go to New York and hang out with his friends and party all night."

Having officially reconciled, Kourtney and Disick are now living together in L.A. "I love Scott," Kourtney says. "There's nobody else I want to be with. This baby was conceived out of love." Though she says "we talk about it all the time," she's ruled out an engagement anytime soon, preferring to focus on one major life change at a time. "I am so scared," says the mom-to-be, who is due around Christmas. "It's the weirdest thing to have a person inside your stomach." Weird—until the baby began to kick. "It's so cool," Kourtney gushes. "It feels like butterflies."

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