09/23/2009 AT 09:10 AM EDT
's got it all – except a good relationship with her mother.
"I am okay with my dad, but my mom and I have yet to work it out," Barrymore, 34, says of her mother, Jaid, in the October issue of InStyle
, out Friday. "I don't talk about it because … how do you talk about something you're confused about?'
But the actress and director uses that emotional turmoil to play roles where the mother-daughter dynamic is key, such as in the Emmy-winning HBO Grey Gardens
or her new roller-derby feature pic, Whip It
– which marks her directorial debut. It may play into her next project, too, which could involve "another potential family that I'll take on."
Or, possibly she'll simply leave it all behind.
"Maybe I'll just travel as a tourist and leave this whole business behind to wander," she says. "I love my life. I really do. But there are moments I battle with it. Some days I want nothing more than a brilliant mask so I could look like someone else and go wander the streets and be free. I'm very peeved Halloween only comes once a year."