Rihanna's New Man's Fake Match.com Ad

01/08/2010 AT 11:00 AM EST

Rihanna and her new baseball player beau Matt Kemp's relationship has been heating up – poolside, actually – as the new couple have been spotted vacationing in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, together. But what attracted the Los Angeles Dodger to the R&B diva?

Who knows?

Neither have spoken out about their burgeoning romance, though that hasn't stopped people from speculating. In a new parody video on Funny or Die, Kemp – well, an actor playing Kemp – says the attraction is physical (but not that physical).

"I'm just looking for a chick with a dude's haircut that likes sharing umbrellas," the faux Kemp says, adding, "I'm drawn to women with whiny voices who wear clothes that show their nips."

He also takes some not-so-veiled shots at Rihanna's ex, Chris Brown, but you'll have to watch the video to find out what makes him a better boyfriend. Check it out!

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