In His Own Words: Corey Haim Called Himself a 'Chronic Relapser'

03/11/2010 at 03:00 PM EST

In His Own Words: Corey Haim Called Himself a 'Chronic Relapser'
Corey Haim
Michael Bezjian/WireImage
Even through punishing shame and addiction haze, Corey Haim could always find the words to articulate his demons – no more so than in 2008, when he opened up to PEOPLE in a candid interview that foreshadowed his continued struggles and tragic end.

"I'm a chronic relapser," Haim, who was then 36, said at the time. "I guess I always will be."

Here is Haim in his own words, chronicling his experience with an all-too-familiar Hollywood storyline: Early success as a child actor, which brought money, fame and substance abuse. He also delved into the rift with fellow actor and longtime friend Corey Feldman, with whom he had an A&E reality show, The Two Coreys, which documented their lives during two seasons.

• On an episode of sexual abuse he suffered around age 14: "I was very, very awake and very ashamed of what was going on, how I put it, I was just ... coming into Hollywood, man, [I was] just a horny little kid, like on drugs, getting fed drugs, man, by vampires."



• On recovering from that situation: "I still blame myself to an extent, but my conscience is much, much more clear. I have come to terms with this a long time ago but obviously not [totally]. Stuff happens when you are a kid, it scars you inside for life."

• On his early fame: "I was buying $300,000 cars, like $30,000, $50,000, $100,000 cars. So if I was making those decisions – and I was making those decisions – it makes me wonder about myself, but when you are a kid, you are a kid. So I have to forgive. It is in the past."

• On his long hiatus from the spotlight: "For eight-and-a-half years, I was just watching movies, and just staying in bed and just eating food and just, you know, being just miserable."

• On sobriety: "It feels like raw bacon getting stripped out of every cell of my body. But it takes about a year, they say, to get back to normal. So there are days where you're really offbeat, and there's days where you're very, very, very clear, too clear ... You have great moments of clarity: I'm talking colors, I'm talking sounds, I'm talking, you know, my friend's laugh, I'm talking everything."

• On his relationship with Corey Feldman: "You know somebody for so long, you are always going to have a special little something in your brain or wherever for that person, you know what I mean. So I will always have that with him."

• On staying clean: "I'm going to be 40 years old and still on drugs, you know? So people slip, and I had my slips, and it's the past, so I'm not going to look back and just go hey, don't dwell on it, I'm going to move forward."

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