Eva Mendes Releases Sex Tape – Only Not That Kind

08/05/2010 AT 10:45 AM EDT

Eva Mendes is joining the ranks of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian – by finally releasing a sex tape.

Actually, make that "S.EX. Tape," as in an adhesive that "S.ecures things Ex.tremely well."

"Now, English isn't my first language," The Other Guys actress, 36, says in an in-faux-mercial posted on Funny or Die. "But it doesn't take a genius to know what tape is."

Inspired to produce the tape when she noticed "Eva Mendes Sex Tape" was a top Google search, Mendes says her adhesive will take care of the "nastiest, dirtiest and most flexible problems you have" and can be safely used on poles, pipes, rods, rims and other things.

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