Sylvester Stallone and a pack of aging action stars rely on nostalgia to propel a creaky bore.
1 IT DEFIES LOGIC
Stallone heads a cadre of elite mercenaries (Jet Li, Jason Statham, Terry Crews), but so badly flubs a gig to help an island led by a corrupt dictator, he actually leaves the place worse off.
2 IT'S AN EGO TRIP
Packing in celebs doesn't help (I'm eyeballing you, Bruce Willis and Governor Schwarzenegger), especially when they preen like they're special guest stars on Hee Haw.
3 IT'S NO FUN
Stallone broods, his soldiers for hire whine-even tough-guy tattoo artist Mickey Rourke gets misty. Maybe they knew how bad the script was long before we did.