Ali’s Bachelorette Blog: Heartbreak In Tahiti

Ali’s Bachelorette Blog: Heartbreak In Tahiti
Bob D'Amico/ABC

07/20/2010 AT 01:00 AM EDT

Each week, Ali Fedotowsky is sharing her thoughts about new episodes of The Bachelorette. “You’re going to see me get mad, cry, be happy, stressed out,” she says of her season. After visiting the families of the final four men and saying goodbye to Kirk last week, Ali writes in about her heartbreaking trip to Tahiti and the two "unbelievable" guys, Roberto and Chris, who are still on the show:

I want to start off by saying thank you so very much for all the wonderful comments on last week’s blog. I really enjoyed reading all of them. :) Thank you SOPHIE C, PATTIE, MADDI, JENNIFER, MEGAN PA, KATIE, JON, ERIN, KATHY ROBERTS, JOHNETTE, ANDY, CHERYL RYAN, DENISE C, CHRISTINA, CELIA, EMILY, JANIS, KRISTEN ASHLEY, JUSTSOMETHINGBORROWED, KATHLEEN FLANAGAN, MICHELE, and many more!

Now let's talk about these dates. We made it to Tahiti ... finally! I cannot even tell you how long I have wanted to go to Tahiti. I am so very grateful for everything.

I was so glad my first date was with Roberto. He can make even the most ordinary place seem romantic, so I couldn't even imagine how wonderful our time in Tahiti was going to be. I felt so bad for him though, because he was always sweating! Poor guy. You'll notice that in one of his interviews he is holding a hand towel. He carried that thing around because he was so sweaty. It was super hot in Tahiti.



When Roberto and I flew over the heart shaped lagoon I could not believe how beautiful it was. I couldn't help but giggle when I watched our date on TV because you're literally shown about 60 seconds of me and Roberto making out. I swear we talked in between those moments. I said three or four words at least. Ha! Sometimes nothing needs to be said ... you just know there is a connection. But in all seriousness, we did have some really great conversations on our date. Roberto is truly a wonderful man.

I could not wait to get some alone time with Roberto during our overnight date. Something really funny actually happened that night. It was about 4 a.m. (we were up all night talking) and all the power in our hut went out. We decided to stay in the hut anyway until the temperature climbed to about 100 degrees. We were dying of heat! So at 5 a.m., we snuck out of the fantasy suite and went back to my personal hut on the island. I remember trying to dodge the resort staff 007-style because we weren't supposed to leave the room. Once we got to my room, Roberto was a little bit shocked to see how messy it was. Seriously, you could barely see the floor! Ha. My only excuse was that I threw everything around trying to find the perfect outfit for our date together.

My date with Chris was full of excitement. First of all, how cool was it that we found pearls? It was unbelievable. We also went fishing during our date. The fish count: Ali 2, Chris 0. I totally kicked his butt. First flip cup and now fishing. Time to step it up, Chris! ;) But Chris definitely wins in the swimming department. I am not a strong swimmer at all. In fact, I tend to sink like a rock. Chris was carrying me to shore because I honestly wouldn't have made it otherwise. Once we got to shore, we cooked the fish we caught. I remember taking the machete we had and trying to filet the fish myself. I ended up cutting my finger and Chris took really good care of me.

It was so great when Chris opened up at dinner. I wasn't expecting that from him. Since our relationship did develop a little bit slower, I thought maybe it would take awhile for him to open further. I was so glad that he could express himself in this setting. I also love that our date was both romantic and fun. We had sweet moments and were able to laugh and joke around, too. Chris is such a great guy.

At the end of the night, we got to do fire-dancing with Polynesian dancers that came over to our private island. When Chris first saw the fire dancers, he asked if he was going to have to wrestle someone again (like in Turkey). Ha! It was really funny. Leave it to Chris to make me laugh. :)

Now onto the biggest shock of the season for me -- Frank leaving. I don't even know where to begin when trying to explain how I felt when this all went down. I guess I will start by saying that I did not expect it at all. Back in Iceland, I asked Frank about his ex girlfriends. I told him that I could sense that he was not over his ex, so I asked if he still had feeling for the ex that went to Paris with him. He told me that he did not have feelings for her anymore and we moved passed it. My instincts were dead on. I just didn't have the right ex. I really wish that Frank had been more honest with me. This wasn't the only time I gave him a chance to be honest. In Turkey, after Justin left, I went up to the guys’ suite, looked each of them in the eye and told them that if any of them had someone back home this was their chance to say something. I flat out asked everyone. Frank said nothing. If Frank has found love, then I really want to be happy for him. However, I have a hard time excusing what he did to me when I gave him so many chances to be honest.

I remember talking with the producers the night before my date with Frank. He and I were supposed to go sailing but something happened last minute with the boat and they had to plan a different activity. I was so upset because I wanted Frank to have an amazing date and didn't want to take anything away from him. The producers and I were finally able to find another boat for Frank and I to go sailing on. Unfortunately, after all that work, it turned out that we didn't really need it.

When I first saw Frank I thought maybe he was feeling unsure about the other guys again and that I had to reassure him again. Then I thought maybe something tragic happened and I was super worried for him. I quickly realized that Frank was leaving. I was heartbroken.

After Frank left, I felt defeated. Don't get me wrong, I was very well aware that I had two unbelievable men left, but I couldn't help but think that my journey as the Bachelorette wasn't going to work out. This was not because I thought Frank was the guy for me, but because this was the second guy to leave the show for a girl back home. I remember thinking, "First Justin, now Frank. Who’s next? Can this really work for me?" In addition to that, I didn't want the last two guys to think they were there by default. I think this was especially emotional for me because it has happened to me before in the past. A guy that I once really cared about left me for an ex.

In the end, Frank and I are both better off after what happened. I really cared for him and I always will.

I really loved the rose ceremony during this episode. It was so carefree and happy. No stress like all of the previous ceremonies. Chris Harrison was sweating so badly under his jacket during our talk before the ceremony. I remember joking with him about how it was payback since I had to wear a dress during the first rose ceremony when it was freezing outside. Speaking of Chris, I want to take a second to say how much I appreciate him. He was really there for me when I needed him this week and I really can't thank him enough for that.

And finally, I just want to comment on how lucky I am to have Chris and Roberto left. I am truly blessed.

Which guy is Mr. Right for Ali? Take our poll!

Until Bora Bora…

xo, --Ali Fedotowsky

P.S. Seriously, what was up with me attacking that coconut at the end of the episode? Ha ha ha. I guess I just really wanted to open it. Maybe I was thirsty? If I didn't scare Roberto away with that, then I think he is a keeper.

P.P.S. SANDRA, OBSERVATION, and CELEBRITY, I do write this blog each week, not ABC. I am very adamant about writing every single word. DUDE was right when he said that BOB D’AMICO/ABC is the man who took that photo of me. It is the photo credit :)

P.P.P.S. ANNE and LISA, I swear I am working on the hair thing ;) GENEVA, the flats I wore on Kirk's hometown are Brass Plum. I love them because they are stylish yet comfortable. DIANA and CHELSEA, my boots from Chris's hometown are Miz Mooz boots.

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