Ali’s Bachelorette Blog: Finding Love in Portugal

Ali’s Bachelorette Blog: Finding Love in Portugal
Bob D'Amico/ABC

07/06/2010 AT 01:00 AM EDT

Ali Fedotowsky, a former contestant on The Bachelor, is now the star of The Bachelorette. Each week, she's sharing her thoughts about the episode that aired the night before. “You’re going to see me get mad, cry, be happy, stressed out,” she says of her season. After saying goodbye to Craig and catching Justin in a lie, Ali writes in about her dates in Portugal and picking the men whose families she's going to meet:

I want to start off by saying that I absolutely found love this season. That's right, I fell in love with Lisbon, Portugal! This city is so much like San Francisco. There is a bridge that crosses the bay that looks exactly like the Golden Gate Bridge. The city is on hills with cable cars taking tourists from one place to another. I felt so at home here. But you'll have to stay tuned to see if find love a second time!

My date with Roberto was absolutely perfect. We had so much fun taking pictures and being silly. I am a big fan of jumping pics. I was a pro and got Roberto's jumping pic in one shot but he had a little bit more difficulty. We also shopped around town for the food we brought in the picnic basket to the castle. Roberto really took charge at the shops. Spanish is very close to Portuguese and he was able to speak Spanish with many of the in town. I loved that he could take care of us. He is so romantic. Dancing in the street was like a fairytale. Honestly, I found myself wondering how Roberto could be so amazing. I have never dated a guy who treated me like Roberto treats me.

During my two-on-one date, I wanted to grab Frank’s hand in the helicopter but I couldn't because Ty was there. I knew at that moment that my connection with Frank was much stronger than my connection with Ty. Before we went to dinner we danced with medieval dancers. Ty picked up the dance quickly, but Frank was a mess. I hope ABC puts out the deleted scene so you can all see it. Dinner was so awkward. A two-on-one date at this point in our journey is just too much. Frank made it easier by making jokes to lighten the mood. When Frank told me about living at home with his parents, I didn't mind at all. When you care for someone those trivial things don't matter.

My date card with Kirk read "once upon a time" for two reasons. First, we had a fairytale date, and second because Kirk often told stories to me that started with "once upon a time," (this started the night I was sick in New York) so I thought it was perfect. The reason I told Kirk that I thought he wouldn't think I was good enough in a year is because he told me a lot about his last relationship and why they didn't work out. The theme of these breakups seemed to be that Kirk couldn't commit to the girl long term. Yes, he seems really into me as the Bachelorette, but will he still be as interested when I'm just me five years from now? Kirk and I talked a lot about this that night. In fact, Kirk and I are really good at talking about emotions and other serious stuff. I have never been able to have such serious conversation with someone so early in the relationship. Speaking of emotion – the fado music at the end of the night was unbelievably moving and one of the most inspiring moments of my journey.

After my fairytale date, I wanted to have some fun with Chris. I thought he was going to kill me on that scooter! Plus, he was going so slow! I am a gal with a need for speed, which is why I had to take control. I wanted to play on the scooter for a little before we went to the winery. We obviously didn't drive home. Living in Northern California for the past five years has turned me into quite the wino, so I really loved tasting all the Portuguese wine. I'm really glad that Chris gave me the Dennis bracelet. Now I have a “get out of jail free” pass when I go to visit his family. If they ask a question that is too hard I will just flash the bracelet and get a pass. Actually, from what I know about Chris's family so far, I don't think I'll be needing that pass. I just know they are going to be great!

The rose ceremony was very important because I meet families next week. I honestly wasn't so sure that I was ready to meet the families of the four guys I chose at the end of this episode. I remember getting really emotional because I didn't feel ready with everyone. At the end of the day, I knew that Ty and I couldn't last in the long run. Even though we have a lot of similarities, we have too many differences. The paper I had in my hand when I was walking back in after saying goodbye to Ty was the lyrics to the second half of the song he sang to me back at the first group date on the beach in Malibu (the photoshoot). It such a sweet song and I am sending lots of good thoughts Ty's way so he does find a great girl to sing this completed song to.

Until hometowns . . .

xo, –Ali Fedotowsky

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