08/21/2009 at 12:00 AM EDT
We weren't tardy for Thursday night's party. We tuned in faithfully to watch the director's cut of The Real Housewives of Atlanta
's "Unbeweavable" episode, followed by what we assumed would be a touchy-feely exploration of Kandi
’s family issues (certainly not helped by AJ
’s incessant texting). Minutes into the recut special, Bravo hit viewers with a surreal cameo by none other than Michael Lohan
. Yes, just when you thought Real Housewives
had maxed out on crazy, Hollywood’s scandal-plagued stage dad seemed to teleport from a Hamptons polo match with Jon Gosselin
to the streets of Atlanta -- solely to insinuate himself into the most trashtastic reality showdown in recent memory.
"I don't want you guys to fight," Lohan said, as Sheree
lunged for Kim
's wig for the second time.
"Hey, Mr. Lindsay Lohan
's daddy, you take you're a-- back to Malibu!" retorted Nene
, her ire up over his inexplicable appearance at the restaurant.
What's next? A bed for Lohan inside the Big Brother
The new episode -- positively swimming in Chardonnay -- delivered even more wackiness. Hold onto your hair as we recap the evening's best sound bites:
1. "B–ch, you got muscles bigger than my man."
"That's because your man's only 4'2"!" --Dinner table repartee between Kim and Sheree -- before they started insulting each other.
2. "You're not even living in a freestanding house. You are connected to your neighbor. And you are the one trying to talk about somebody bouncing a check? Everybody in their life has bounced a check at least once." --Nene, dissing Kim's condo, excusing Sheree's alleged stiffing of Neiman Marcus and inadvertently illuminating the cause of the current economic crisis.
3. "Is there a step above a pathological liar?" --Sheree, attempting an armchair diagnosis of Kim's strange relationship with the truth.
4. "He's not even one of the Big Poppas that I know." --A baffled Nene (who had just released her death grip on Kim's arm) on Kim's smooching a total stranger as a nearby Sheree continued to stalk the sidewalk.
5. "You're both gonna go to hell." --Grammatically challenged, tampon-seeking Tania
, lashing out at Kim's pre-teen daughter Brielle
for rapping a prayer in Spanish. Dios mio! --Suzanne ZuckermanTell us: What was last night's wildest moment? Now that you've seen more of the footage, are you on Kim's or Sheree's side? Will you buy Nene's book?