Bachelorette Blog: Why Jillian Let Ed Go

Bachelorette Blog: Why Jillian Let Ed Go
Kevin Foley/ABC

06/16/2009 AT 12:00 AM EDT

Okay ... Where do I even get started here?

Well, first off lets start with the positive ... WHISTLER! I LOVE that place. I was so proud to bring the guys there and show it off, and brag a little how my playground was soon to be the host of the 2010 Winter Olympic Games.

I can’t imagine a better person to start my dates off this week than Michael. That guy makes me laugh like you would not believe. My guts were seriously sore at the end of the date from all the laughing. At that time however, I had a few concerns with Michael, primarily his age. As you are all probably starting to see ... I am attracted to who have big personalities, who are outgoing, and yes ... talented. I was concerned dating someone so much younger than me ... but after my date with Michael however, it was clear to me that he was legitimately into ME, and that's more important than age.

Snowmobiling with the guys was incredible!!! Although I don't get to do it enough ... this is one of my favorite pastimes. It is so nostalgic and reminds me how fun it will be when I have my own family to go on these sorts of adventures with. Funny story ... Mark actually has his own snowmobile, and goes quite often ... Reid however ... not so much. Well, they were sharing a snowmobile, and Reid decided he really wanted to drive. The whole group stopped about a mile up, but ... Reid and Mark were MIA. Turns out Reid took the snowmobile over a mini cliff and crashed! Of course we all thought it was hilarious, but poor Reid complained about his pulled groin for days.



My date with Jesse was seriously my favorite adventure of the season. There was a point that day where I started to tear up (surprise, surprise) because it was so beautiful up there. Hanging out with just Jesse on top of a glacier in the beautiful British Columbia is a chance of a lifetime. It made me truly so grateful for this experience, and sorry to sound cheesy ... but just to be alive and healthy and happy. The funniest part of that whole episode was Jesse talking about my voice. OMG! I was laughing so hard when I watched that part. First off, I was talking with food in my mouth -- and second of all ... my voice is so raspy! How could anyone find it soothing? Ah well ... it was so endearing and sweet … I was happy to hear that he liked it.

Now let’s talk about the big drama of the episode ... Ed leaving :( Wow, that was so heartbreaking. I truly hadn't felt that sort of heartbreak since I was in high school. It definitely made me open my eyes, and moving forward, I'm taking no relationship for granted. It's the hardest time to lose someone, because it is too early to tell if they are the "one" but you also know you are developing true feelings for them. I couldn't give Ed that guarantee at that point, so all I could do ... was let him go. :(

Now I know what ALL of you are thinking at this point ... why am I holding on to Wes? It's the fact that we actually DO have a lot in common (as much as everyone doesn't want to believe)! We both love camping, families, outdoors, live music, sitting in our backyard with friends drinking a few beers on a Friday night. I call this whole process the "pendulum effect," which means in order to find the right person, you need to take the you actually have a connection with, and whether they are "good for you" or not ... you need to swing the pendulum in both ways to truly see what you want. I know Wes is not the person you guys are rooting for, but I am looking for a partner for ME, and because of our friendship, I tried my best not to be swayed by his stereotype.

Anyway, despite the "drama" this season, I am really enjoying watching it. Yes, I cringe and question the way it is all unfolding. But because I KNOW the ending (hee hee), I can now just sit back and relax and laugh at all the ups and downs.

I hope you all are enjoying it as well, and I'll chat with you next week!

Peace & Love, (Please don't forget to recycle!) Jilly Bean Kevin Foley/ABC

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