Desperate Housewives Recap: Money Changes Everything

02/09/2009 AT 12:00 AM EST

It is often said that money is the root of all evil, and it certainly played a large part in the nastiness going down on Desperate Housewives this week.

Bree and Lynette With Bree’s book on the best-seller list and a three-book deal a likely scenario, Bree splurged on a new Lexus. (Considering the amount of praise lavished on the luxury car in this episode, we wouldn’t be surprised if one show’s up in Marc Cherry’s driveway tomorrow.) Meanwhile Lynette had to sell Tom’s precious convertible thanks to Porter’s legal fees and a bad economy keeping out of the pizzeria. (A touch of current events for Wisteria Lane.) Bree felt bad about flaunting her new ride when she heard about their money issues so she offered her $20,000. Lynette wouldn’t take a gift, but did sell Bree part of the restaurant instead, which cannot turn out well. Lynnette wanted to throw a friend-and-family party to celebrate partnering and Bree condescended her, suggesting it be her local book release to “turn one of your dismal Thursday night seatings into a real event.” At the soiree, she flipped when she heard that Lynette was serving her recipes and using commercial parmesan. Bree threw out the pizzas behind her back. When Lynette found out, they fought out back and accused each other of some pretty nasty things. Bree even went as far as suggesting that Lynette brought on her own failure and chastised her for needing monetary help. Lynette drove off in a huff, but not before accidentally backing up into Bree’s wheels. She gave Bree a check for the damages and swore that she’d pay back the investment with interest because the money was already poisoning their friendship. Bob told Lee that he had learned that buddy-buddy Dave was the witness placing Porter at the scene of the fire. But when Lee voted to tell the Scavos, Bob hesitated saying something about Dave scared him. Lee couldn’t leave it alone so he told Tom and Tom reacted by putting his fist in Dave’s face. Dave blamed drinking, nerves and insistent cops and promised to make it up to them. When Tom went for a second punch, Dave pulled some ninja moves, thwarting the punch and spooking Tom. He mumbled, “I don’t know who you are.”

Edie & Gabrielle Carlos got his bonus and paid off their remaining debts. He suggested they celebrate their upcoming anniversary at a pricey restaurant and Gaby suggested she wear the dress she wore the night he proposed. When he questioned whether it would still fit, she pointed out how hard she’d been working to lose weight. “I’m one good colonic away from being the old me,” she said. When the dress didn’t fit, Gaby begged Edie to vouch for her with her super secret hardcore bootcamp with an ex-Israeli special forces officer. She thought the class was too hard, didn’t take Edie’s favor seriously and quit after one day. When the campers showed up on her lawn, reminding her that she signed a contract, she threw a fit and called the other women names. Edie accused her of already having the old Gaby back – “a self-centered, obnoxious jerk. Personally I liked poor paunchy Gaby better. She had some humility.” Gaby returned to class and took her punishment with a smile. When she met her goal, she remembered to thank the tailor she had been so rude to at the beginning of the episode.

Edie tried to talk to Dave about his first wife and while irritated, he granted her permission to ask a question. She wanted to know the difference between his two marriages. He replied, “With her, it was like a fairy tale. I thought it would last forever. Ours is more real because it is not forever. Love is temporary. The way the tale ends is death.” (It is hard to believe any wife would brush this creepy statement off as Edie did.)

Susan Susan got MJ into a private school, but freaked when she saw the tuition bill. Mike told her there was no way he could afford his half. She understood until she saw Kathryn showing off a new pearl necklace Mike bought her. Feeling like her kid’s tuition was around Kath’s neck, she concocted a typical (aka bad) Susan scheme where she got Kath out of the house so she could look for the necklace. Kath returned too quickly and Susan hid under the bed until Kath got in the shower. When she got stuck crawling out, Kath thought it was Mike and flashed Susan who grabbed the jewelry and ran. Kath followed in her towel and Susan came clean about why she did it. Kath was disgusted that Mike wouldn’t pony up for his kid. They camped out until Mike returned and confronted him, forcing him to admit they were fake. Kath said she didn’t need expensive gifts and made out with him to prove it. He then used his tongue to give Susan a verbal lashing about the accusation and suggested falling short was her fault. To get the faculty discount, she offered to teach. But the art department wasn’t hiring. Worried that MJ will get lost in big classes, she said she’d serve lunches or be a janitor before she would “walk out on her son’s future.” He gave her a position as art teacher’s assistant. --Carrie Bell

Tell us: Which character was the worst friend this week and why? Should Lee have told Tom about Dave?

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