Catch up with the women of Wisteria Lane:
Bree Battles Success After giving identically signed copies of her cookbook (an unbecoming move by an ardent follower of Emily Post) to the other housewives, they cracked jokes about how she was getting to be too famous to speak to them. So, when she got the news that she was to be awarded Business Woman of the Year, Bree decided not to share the news with her friends.
Instead, she went in search of Orson at work to tell him and discovered he had been fired three weeks earlier. Inspired by her "any success I have is yours just as much as it is mine" speech, Orson proposed he become a partner in the catering empire. Katherine, who overheard the request as she toiled on floral arrangements nearby, called Bree over and reminded her that she already had a partner. Bree told Orson they "shouldn't mix marriage and business." Angry, Orson moved into the guestroom and skipped her award luncheon. Bree told Lynette that she did not feel like the successful woman they were all jealous of. "My friends think I'm going to drop them. My partner resents me and my husband has moved into the guest bedroom," she said through tears. "Everything I gain comes at some horrible price and I'm starting to wonder if any of it is worth it." Bree eventually caved, leaving a chef's hat on Orson's bedside table. When he returned to their bed, she made him promise (but looked none too satisfied with this victory) that he'd never leave their bed again.
Edie Invests in Real Estate Dave was still trying to get Mike in the band despite Tom auditioning a technically fantastic axeman. He asked Tom to have Mike call him. When he got home, he bugged Edie about whether he'd called yet. When she changed the subject to buying Mary Alice's suicide house as an investment, his hands started shaking, sweat formed on his brown and he started biting her head off. He jetted upstairs, retrieved a briefcase from under the bed and took a pill from one of the many bottles locked inside. Then, he changed his strategy and phoned Mike to come fix a broken pipe, which he broke with a bat once he hung up. When Mike arrived, Dave begged him to join the band. Mike was apologetic and said that he lived so far away, couldn't afford to live closer and wanted to spend his free time with his son. Dave then told Edie he'd buy her the house as a way to say he was sorry, but wanted to rent it to Mike cheaply and anonymously. When Edie questions him about why she can't brag about the one "nice thing she's done for the neighborhood," he told her it was because Mike had a lot of pride and it was good karma to be silent about favors.
Gabrielle Teaches Facts of Life Apparently unsatisfied, Gabrielle forced Juanita to attend a weird girl's weekly two-hour playdate. "That's enough time for sex and a nap," Gabby beamed. When it came time to "do the nasty," she wanted to know how blind sex compared to their previous sex life and Carlos gave her a blindfold so she could experience it herself. When they stopped to take a breather, they heard a sucking noise and she lifted her sash to find Juanita standing at the end of the bed with a juice box. Their daughter was traumatized, even after Gabby said they were just wrestling. "Did daddy hurt you? You were making loud noises. Please don't wrestle with mommy. You're too big." Carlos argued for telling Juanita the truth about sex, but Gabby thought telling her, "sometimes mommy rides daddy like a mechanical bull to get jewelry," would go over her head.
She must have lost that debate because at her next playdate, Juanita blabbed all about the facts of life and had the other children screaming words like "sperm" and "intercourse." Juanita was uninvited from future gatherings until her mother and father met with the parents and explained what happened. Just when they got the other mother to let their daughter rejoin the group, Carlos said there isn't a Santa Claus as their daughter entered the room. Looks like Juanita's parents will have to go without again.
Lynette Drinks, Misses Career The onetime advertising powerhouse apparently misses the puns she gave up to toss pizza and asked to take a look at the marketing campaign planned for Bree's book launch. It inspired her to create and present a whole new concept of her own to Bree, but no dice. Hurt, Lynette got sauced at the award lunch and drank even harder when she realized that Bree's ad man was her former assistant. "Someone's taking her designated driver role lightly," Katherine quipped. Lynette stumbled over to confront Bree just as the awards were getting underway. "You've got your book and your big award and I'm just a housewife," she said. "When I had a high-powered career and you were just a housewife, I never looked down on you." Bree asked her to leave, which she did, only through an emergency exit, setting off an alarm. At Bree's home the next day, Lynette admitted, "You are having the kind of success that I only dreamed of. Watching you, I look down on me."
Susan's Divorce Reality Mike and Susan attended a parent-teacher night at M.J.'s school and were shown a picture he drew of his family. He had drawn Mike small to represent how far he is from Wisteria Lane and gave Jackson a prominent role. Mike gave his son a bike earlier than planned to buy his affection but had to come back another day to teach him to ride without training wheels. Unfortunately, Jackson beat him to the punch so Susan asked her son to fake a fall when Mike came over to teach him. He wound up really hurting his arm and needed the emergency room. Mike discovered Susan's plan and lamented how sad it was to miss his boy's milestones. "This is what it means to be divorced," she told him. "Sometimes you won't be there." This primed him to fall easily into the Dave's trap. He cleared it with Susan who reluctantly agreed, "We'll be like one big happy divorced family. It's a little weird but M.J. will be thrilled."