From the neighborhood playground to a crooked used car sale to a reunion dinner showdown between mother and daughter, this week’s episode showed the many different forms of bullying going down on Wisteria Lane.
BreeHer daughter finally agreed to bring Ben for a visit, and Orson warned Bree to be on her best behavior: “It has taken so many olive branches to get them to come back. If you feel an impulse to criticize something, you’ll keep the thought to yourself.” While Bree was planning a welcome-home dinner, Danielle dropped the bomb that her family had gone vegetarian and she planned to homeschool her kid. Bree's reaction: “Instead of sending him to a proper school, you’re going to give him the benefit of your straight C average. Am I supposed to sit by while she degrades his body and his mind?” Danielle stormed off, but not before announcing Ben would also be bar mitzvahed in seven years. Bree took Ben to the park and showed him pictures of Danielle as a little girl eating a hot dog and manipulated him into wanting one saying that it’d help him grow up to play for the Red Sox. Bree gave him one and made him promise not to tell his mom. Unfortunately, the wiener did not sit well and he threw it up during the dinner party, exposing her bribe in a bun. Hard to tell who was more furious – Danielle or Orson, who charged, “It took us three years to talk them into this visit and it took you one day to ruin it.” Orson then let it all out about how hard it was for him to return from prison to find the boy who called him daddy gone and how he blamed Bree for the loss. He accused her of not fighting hard enough for him. “I was on my knees sobbing and then she ripped him out of my arms. You have no right to say that to me,” Bree cried before walking away.
EdieMrs. McCluskey continued her investigation on Edie’s mysterious husband. Kathryn had second thoughts about helping her because Dave programmed her sprinklers. “He strikes me as so nice,” Kathryn reasoned. Mrs. M shot back, “That’s supposed to comfort me given your track record with men.” Mrs. M and Kathryn invited Edie to lunch in order to mine her for more info, but Edie didn’t know much. Mrs. M made her feel bad about marrying a guy she barely knew, so later at Bree’s dinner party Edie put Dave on the hot seat when the and the topic of college came up. “I’m your wife. Shouldn’t I know?” she reasoned. He looked ashamed but answered, “Actually I didn’t go. I took a job out of high school because my family was having a hard time. Not having a degree is something that has always been embarrassing to me especially when I am with who do. Is there anything else you’d like to quiz me about in public … my childhood stuttering, my dad’s drinking problems?”
That night before bed, he complained that Edie had blindsided him despite the fact that he was clearly uncomfortable. She apologized and blamed it on Mrs. M making her feel stupid at lunch. Dave said Mrs. M’s paranoia reminded him of his grandmother who got dementia and had to be placed in a home before staring out at her house menacingly.
GabrielleShe was forced to sell her fancy car … the last thing she owned that told the world “I’m better than you" … to a rich couple buying it for their nanny (ouch!) in order to pay the mortgage and downgraded to Andrew’s hunk-o-junk. It immediately broke down and she demanded that he pay to have the radiator fixed. He told her the problem was now hers and suggested keeping “it full of water, off hills and in the shade.” Gabby confided in Susan about feeling beaten down and Susan suggested, “You’re the strongest person I know. Maybe you should get mad more often.” She took the advice to heart immediately and confronted Andrew about the radiator money once again. When he told her she’d learned the valuable buyer-beware lesson, she threatened to run into his new sports car until he relented.
LynetteThe Scalvos cleaned out the garage and Lynette chided Tom for making a to-keep pile full of things she was certain he would never use including mountain-climbing equipment, a beer-making kit and the Ab-Tastic. Dave, who had come over to ask Tom to watch the playoffs on his flat screen, found a bass in the garbage pile. And soon a jam session was born. Tom told Lynette they planned on starting a band with Orson and Mike and getting some gigs, but she reminded him of his responsibilities to his restaurant, kids and his wife. But Tom told her she could not decide for him and kicked her out of the rehearsal space. As always, Lynette found a way to outmaneuver Tom--she set his bass up to be run over on his side of the garage. But Dave came to the rescue and bought him a replacement bass, which Lynette wouldn’t accept it at first. Dave gave her a whole spiel about the midlife crisis and how it makes some men do bad things so by comparison playing in a garage band is harmless. He gave it to Lynette to give to Tom to “save their marriage” and when he rode by on his bike later and witnessed her handing it over, he looked ever so tickled. (Evilly tickled, of course!)
SusanHer son came home from the park with a bloody chin and a ripped shirt, but when Susan tried to get him to rat on which kid did it, MJ requested a talk with his dad. Mike reported back that he wouldn’t tell him who either, but that he had asked him to teach him to fight. Then Susan saw Gabby’s chunky daughter take MJ’s ball and bully him. She chased her off and told MJ not to worry because his dad was going to teach him how to throw a punch. When both Mike and Jackson refused to teach MJ to hit a girl, Susan took the issue to Gabby. Gabby agreed she’d talk to Juanita and assured Susan she wouldn’t tell anyone that her son was being beat up by a little girl. Susan corrected that she wasn’t exactly little and Gabby scoffed, “Are you insinuating that she’s fat for her age? Susan remarked, “She’s fat for your age.”
It devolved from there. Susan bought MJ a safety whistle, which he started blowing while she was in the middle of dying her newfound gray hairs. She ran outside and found Juanita with his whistle and him on the ground. Juanita claimed that she wouldn’t be hurt or cry if someone pushed her so Susan knocked her on her butt. Gabby witnessed it from her porch, stormed over and the moms started hurling insults back and forth. Gabby eventually pushed Susan and Susan took the high ground until Gabby commented on her grays and then it was on (watch the clip). After the fight, Susan took apology booze to Gabby and they chatted about Susan’s feelings of inadequacy about raising a son. Gabby sympathized because she feels like she isn’t doing enough to prepare her daughters for how hard the world is or teach them not to be victims. --Carrie Bell
Tell us: What do you think is Dave's secret past?