Paula Abdul: ‘No One Understands Me’
05/02/2008 AT 12:00 AM EDT
"No one understands me," Abdul, 45, said in a speech at Lupus L.A.'s Orange Ball, presenting an award to prominent L.A. physician Daniel Wallace. "By the way, are you singing two songs tonight?"
Abdul was referring to Tuesday's American Idol, when she mistakenly critiqued contestant Jason Castro's second performance, though Castro had only sung one song.
At Thursday's event, Abdul said Dr. Wallace "helped save my business and my professional life," but she jokingly asked for some assistance with her American Idol duties. "By the way, they're causing me to say very mumbly-jumbly things on Idol. Help me."
After her speech, Abdul told PEOPLE that she didn't do anything wrong on Tuesday's show and enjoys making light of the controversy.
"I have fun poking fun at a situation that's so ridiculous. I'm the queen of taking the seriousness out of it ... I loved that laughed, it was funny," she said. "Honestly, it was a silly thing that happened on Idol. We were all confused ... I did exactly what the producers told me to do ... It's all good."
But not everything is "all good" with the Idol judge. Abdul told the crowd that she's living in pain despite appearing happy.
"Pain is very daunting -- it creates isolation," Abdul said. "For me, the smile on my face oftentimes is not met with how I feel inside." She credited Wallace as "emotionally gi-normous" and "an amazing person that keeps me going even when I don't want to." --Nicholas WhiteMichael Williams/Startraksphoto