"I just know what it's like to be a serf that just does things," the actor, 38, says of life with wife Jennifer Garner and their two small children in an interview airing Thursday on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
"When one of the vassals comes and points at something ... I take orders from people that cannot speak. And yet still they are higher up on the food chain than I am."
With a wife and two girls – Violet, 4, and Seraphina, 20 months – Affleck's odds are simply stacked against him. "I have three women in the house. … I get to be wrong three times a day," he jokes.
Not that he would change a thing. "I am madly in love," he says. "I have the best family."
And in fact, things are pretty good across the board for the Oscar winner, whose sophomore directorial effort, The Town, opening Friday, is earning some good early buzz.
"I could not be luckier," Affleck says. "I really have come right to the place where I was supposed to be. … You've got to knock wood. I've gone around and I've taken some rights and lefts and found myself at a place that is really wonderful, and that I'm really grateful for."