Although this week's episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta showed NeNe Leakes on the brink of divorce, the reality star is still married to her husband Gregg – and living under the same roof.
"We are still together," Leakes tells Essence.com. "We are in the same house and we are still legally married. But that's not to say we won't be unmarried."
Leakes says the couple have had their ups and downs, and that inconsistency is challenging.
"One day is good, the next day is bad," she says. "That's what I'm really tired of."
On her show, Leakes was seen visiting a divorce attorney and later discovering unsavory statements Gregg made to an online radio station about their relationship. (Gregg says he didn't know he was being recorded at the time of the conversation and was only "venting" to what he perceived to be a friend.)
Still, that's just the sort of thing that causes the Housewife to question the future of her marriage. "I'm very aware that the 40s for me, are the new 30s and that I need to be happy because life is very short," she says. But, she adds, "Gregg is my friend and he's been that for years. He's always been a great rock for me and I'm afraid that if we really break it off for good I won't have that rock."
How does Gregg feel? "He doesn't want a divorce," she says. "He says he's very much in love and he wants to stay married."
And Leakes may want that, too. "I'm taking baby steps," she says. "I've been with Gregg since I was 28, and I'm now 42. I thought I was a woman when I got with him, but I'm really a grown woman now. I've been with him for some of the best years of my life so it is scary for me to be like, 'I'm gonna be on my own.' "
Right now, Leakes says, she's focusing on her youngest child, 11-year-old Brentt. "I wouldn't let him watch this week's show," she says. "My husband and I have both talked to him on our own. He's only 11 so he wants his mom and dad to be together."