Picks and Pans Review: Franco File

updated 02/28/2011 AT 01:00 AM EST

originally published 02/28/2011 AT 01:00 AM EST


TV authorities are warning of an uptick in attention-seeking stunts by eccentric charmer James Franco.

FEB. 25:

After a six-month absence, returns to ABC's General Hospital (left) in role of oddly cute psychopath-character is confusingly named Franco, as well. Has said he approached the part as "performance art," an acting concept practiced by so few stars it may require federal permit.

Feb. 27:

Hosts Oscars on ABC with actress Anne Hathaway. Also up for Best Actor for 127 Hours, but may daringly play the gig as some weird or ironic in-joke. Will probably smile with handsome but flaky inscrutability when Colin Firth inevitably wins for The King's Speech.

Feb. 28:

Back on Hospital. Huh?

WARNING: Impossible to resist. Dangerous combo of rare sex appeal and true doofiness. Over.

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