From left: Mark Ballas, Cheslea Kane and makeup artist Patti Ramsey Bortoli
I've always been a sucker for an English accent.
You could try to convince me that the moon was covered in a layer of powdered sugar and if you said it with an English accent, l promise I'd believe you. My dialect addiction only intensified upon meeting my Dancing
partner, Mark Ballas
. He's a London native who loves to whip out the occasional "mate" or "wanker" and it gets increasingly hilarious with each passing week.
However, this infatuation came to a screeching halt Monday night
after hearing yet another English accent when the DWTS
announcer uttered the words, "Dancing the fox trot is Chelsea Kane and her partner, Mark Ballas." At that point, I can confidently say my crush on any Jude Law
sound-alike left the building.
The other thing that left the building?
My brain. I started my first dance on my back and awoke 90 seconds later, still horizontal, but miraculously in the middle of the dance floor. My body went into complete autopilot and before I knew it, my moment was over. It was like Christmas. Weeks of anticipation gone, with remnants of rhinestones to clean up instead of wrapping paper. I still got my tinsel fix, though – Cheryl Burke
's hair was full of it.
Well, bring on the next holiday. I'm back on my feet and halfway through dance two. It's jive time. A word that looks similar to jive? Java. Which I have been drinking excessive amounts of in order to keep up the energy required to perform this piece. There is so much jumping and kicking and flicking and if it isn't executed perfectly, I will definitely come off looking like the female version of MAD TV's Stuart.
As of now, "Team Kanenball" is tied for third place, so we really need to step up our game. We're hoping to do that with a couple of sausage rolls.
Yes, that is literally the name of a dance move and it makes me uncomfortable on so many levels. One of those being that I hope I'm not having an "I feel fat day" on Monday. This breakfast food move requires Mark to kick over my face two times at warped speed, so if I black out on stage this week, it won't be from the nerves of my live performance, it will be because my jaw is shattered and I will write my next blog from the hospital.
On that note, wish me luck.